Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
