The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
