I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
