I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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