Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
