stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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