I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
