Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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