we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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