where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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