I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
