I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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