I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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