I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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