I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My ass is underappreciated
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
