while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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