Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
