Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
