I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm sobbing to NWA
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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