Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
