i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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