You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
its liver damage thursday
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
