i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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