so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
