im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
