At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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