that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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