i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
