I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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