I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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