Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
