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Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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