I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
