Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
