Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
COCAINE IS GR8
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
