why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Randomize
