Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
