Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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