I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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