people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
