i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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