What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
