you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
