if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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