I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
is that a dick in a sweater?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
