why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
