just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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