I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
