their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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