There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
