You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
