Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
