I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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