I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
