Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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