Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My vagina is very pro this idea
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
