i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
