Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
