His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
