never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
