I wish i was in the wii world.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
