I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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