When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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