return my video game
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just tell him i said nine months
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
