It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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