I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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